Soliloquy by Donna Marmorstein
A scan, a plan, a pan
Is menu enough?
'But what's for dinner," RJ asks, ravenous and looking hopefully at the impressive shopping list on the refrigerator, the list printed in Alba font, multi-colored ink, 22-point type, bulleted with cute banana icons.
"I have a plan," I tell him. "I have a specific plan for dinner."
"Well, OK. But is it something good?"
"I don't think you can be very effective at cooking dinner without a plan," I say. "Without a specific, credible plan."
"I hope it's not ham. That's the main thing. Or tuna."
I smile. "I have a plan for a smarter, more palatable dinner."
"Good," RJ says, looking pleased at the shopping list. "Have you shopped yet?"
"Are you questioning my culinary dedication? Are you calling into question my well-honed mom skills? I assure you I have had years of experience writing menus, going shopping, deciding on side dishes."
"I'm just hungry! What are we going to eat?"
I pull out my notes. "Well, first I plan to launch and lead a new era of better cooking . . ."
"That sounds good."
"I will modernize my appliances to bring the latest recipes into this kitchen . . ."
"That might take a while."
"Thirdly, I will bring together my varied cooking skills and deploy not just ingredients, but all the know-how and expertise I have accumulated over the years . . ."
Michael walks into the kitchen and begins to look for evidence of dinner.
"Fourthly, I plan to free this kitchen from its dependence on refined sugar and white flour . . ."
"I'm not sure I like the sound of that," Michael says, but RJ nudges him.
"Don't worry, Mike," he says. "Miranda and Becky can always get us what we need in some kind of sugar-for-chores deal. And we can negotiate. Mom loves negotiating. If we just promise stuff, we can get what we want."
"I will strengthen the nutritional content of meals, I will seek out only quality ingredients, I will restore discipline to the dinner table . . ."
RJ and Michael begin to open drawers and cupboards.
"Every stomach will be full upon leaving the table . . ."
"Not if it's ham or tuna," RJ mumbles.
"Not if it's low carb," Michael grumbles. "What's for dinner anyway?"
"I have a specific, credible plan for dinner," I tell him.
"Great. What is it?"
"I have a smarter, more effective approach to mealtime," I tell him.
"Spaghetti!" he says.
"But I can't tell you the details of the plan."
"Why not?" asks RJ. His eyes narrow. "You're not going to try Eggplant Surprise again, are you?"
"I've spent more than 20 years preparing, shopping, creating plans for different kinds of meals, and difficult appetites to please. As mom, I know that huge choices are available to me, enormous cards to play, and I'm not going to play them before dinner is actually on the table."
Michael pulls out a package of soda crackers from a high cupboard. "I don't like the sound of that."
"I have a plan for dinner. You can look it up on my Web site. But I'm not giving away any particulars."
"I think there's peanut butter behind the molasses there, Mike," says RJ.
"You deserve a plan that can succeed. I laid out that plan on my Web site. That plan will result in better meals . . ."
"Didn't she just say that?" Michael asks, as he spreads peanut butter and molasses onto a saltine.
"If you don't have a plan, no one will have confidence in you. It is important to be able to demonstrate a solid, better plan." With that, I unveil a menu in even brighter ink than the shopping list, with even bolder fonts.
"Monday: Nutritious main dish, possibly with gravy. Hot vegetable side dish. Bread or rolls. Salad. Dessert. Tuesday: Nutritious entree. Hot. Sauce likely. Vegetable side dish. Roll or bread. Fruit of some kind. Wednesday: Main dish, vegetable, bread . . ."
"I'm losing confidence by the second. Where, in all this, is dinner?" RJ asks. Suddenly he sees the pizza delivery number on the refrigerator, and a whole new plan emerges.
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